Broken, during my first decade
I’ve always been broken, really
Shattered vestiges of mind and emotion
Twisted, wrecked ideals of heroism
Torn, the gauze of core beliefs
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Lost and losing, my third decade
I’ve always been losing and lost,
Wandering the unexplored and uncharted
The path of the less chosen pursued at cost
Cain wanders, feared, fearful
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Humanity aches in me
Dwelling in an inappropriate place
This vessel poorly formed yet perfect
Competes in a race, not of choice;
Compunction, compulsion alternate the pace
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Rarely finished before I leave
Unknown genesis without end
Proffering myself to the process, then flee
Outcomes unseen swirling, churning in the flow
Yet still undetermined
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Hurt and dying by my own hand
I am the nomad
I am woman, man and child
Vainly struggling for distinction
No path to nirvana bliss exists
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What is it in me, that madness
Claws invisible boundaries?
Is it Cain’s fate driving me to challenge gawd?
No, his tent is far too small; the walls too tall
Knock them down; knock them down
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It’s been revealed, accept my plight
In each day, each person, each way
Destroy less good; harmonize with mystery
Quietude in the static, rest in the flow
Still, a drone I can’t be
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Are those grubbers that I see?
Panchromatic, pan-sexual, pantheists
Panhandling the current and the flow?
Reveling in life without hope
For more, they reveal the absurdity
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I live in pencil, delibly
I swim, the water remains whole
I swim away, the consummate water, still,
No me-shaped void exists, no mark left behind
It is enough to be
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Hurt and dying by my own hand
I am the nomad
I am woman, man and child
Vainly struggling for distinction
No path to nirvana bliss exists
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King of the hill, a young man’s game
Do-it-yourself celebrity,
Online fame, fighting for likes, links and esteem
Power ranking the vain, profane, and mundane
Cain’s curse makes them futile
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Mighty wars, human history’s
Path in an ever-changing sea
For the men who will not do the next right deed
There can be no peace, only war is their plight
Cain’s curse marks pointless greed
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Sacrifices null and void
Services are rendered in vain to whom
Religious servitude debases,
Penance cannot heaven’s gate unclose
Cain’s curse mars their ecstatic exultation
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The poor abide eternally
Riches can’t buy integrity
Mammon, who creates the dragons’ greedy lair
Leads men to the putrid still waters of death
Cain’s curse on the vacuous
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Maimed and hurt by my children’s hands
Absurdity
I am woman, man and child
We live; we die in vanity
This is all there is – no hereafter – no bliss
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Rest now my child, accept the pain
The pathway in, never the same
The way to wholeness breaks all, do not resist it
The darkness distorts and deforms existence
Warping those who deny
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Give up striving against the flow
The swirl, the churn and the eddy.
Putrid standing water is separated,
Dwelling in death, not eternal but leaching
through the aquifer of time
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Six decades in, I grow weary
Ever touching, ever cheering
Come my love and see yourself as I see you
Perfection is us; we need not add or strive
Rest is here by my side